Inappropriately Filling in the Blanks

So, as the story goes, a friend of mine got me involved with some grant writing and fundraising to help raise funds for a capital project for a local non-profit. I kind of got into it, working in tandem with the Chairman of the Board.

After putting in quite a bit of sweat and heart into this project, the "Chairman" and I jointly went to do discuss and submit proposal before a local foundation that grants hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to worthy projects. I loved the time spent in the presentation and thought it went well. When we got out, the "Chairman" and I each headed to our cars. He said "I'll call you to 'debrief' and figure out our next move."

That sentence was followed by approximately eleven months of silence. Lots of blanks for me to fill in.

The way that I filled in the blanks was to assume that my participation was no longer wanted, or needed. And I figured he decided that he needed to cut me from this project, but didn't have the guts (not the first word I thought of) to face me and "fire me" from this volunteer work.

So, in response to the silence and the lack of any input, I got mad. I decided I didn't care about this project, felt hurt by my "non-verbal dismissal", and decided that if I ever saw this "Chairman" again, it would be too soon. The "Chair" and I share several friends, so I kept this all to myself so as not to get others involved . I just wanted to shake the dust from my feet from this chapter of my life.

I pretty much did that, until one day my cell rang and...low and behold, it was "Mr. Chairman" wanting to get together on the grant-writing and fundraising project. I told him that I was mad at him and wasn't really sure that I cared about his project any more. We agreed to get together over coffee (tea) and talk.

Turns out he had been busy and had decided the fundraisinig could be put off for awhile, as the specific project that needs the funding was still a ways off. Meanwhile, he was overworked trying to get a new business off the ground and also finish up a dissertation for a PhD that he's been working toward. He apologized for "not being very good at communicating."

For every "blank" that was left by the lapsed dialogue, I had filled in each and every one in negative way. I had interpreted "silence" as "rejection".

But I was wrong. While he wasn't very good at communicating, I certainly was equally inept at interpreting silence. Just a little "life lesson" to myself.